


every person that you need to be

by gayshrug



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Anxiety Attacks, Attraction, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Meetings, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayshrug/pseuds/gayshrug
Summary: “There you are!” Owen’s voice startled TK out of his own thoughts, plastering on a smile as quickly as he could. “Hey, dad. Long day?” Three hours of overtime, if he’d counted correctly. He hadn’t looked at his phone in a while, though. It wasn’t of much use, these days.Or: TK's dealing with some things, Owen's trying his hardest to help, and Carlos shows up when TK needs him the most.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 5
Kudos: 139





	every person that you need to be

**Author's Note:**

> hey folks. had to throw this in because it came to me when i couldn't sleep last night. a little tk character study, if you will.   
> the title is from MCR's "the kids from yesterday". 
> 
> possible tw: tk experiences an anxiety attack in this story. it's described but not dwelled on. take care.

“I worry about you.”

No, this wasn’t the first time Owen had felt the need to stop TK dead in his tracks by the firetrucks, not even the first time this week. It left TK’s eyes flitting around as if to scope out whether they were being watched.

Thankfully, the other firefighters were preoccupied, keeping the station clean and giving it a more personal touch in the process. TK could see Paul placing a collection of what looked like ratty comic books onto the living room table in a neat little pile out of the corner of his eye.

“Can we not do this right now, dad?”, TK sighed, armoring himself with puppy-dog eyes that would weaken the knees of any other man. “I told you already… it always takes me a little while to settle in.” Owen placed a hand on his shoulder, soothing but firm. “I know, son. But it’s been, what, a month now? I’ve never seen you this reserved, not even when we did that team-overhaul in Manhattan.”

It wasn’t like Owen was wrong. TK _had_ been holding back, at least a little. It simply didn’t come easy to him, to hand over trust like that – everyone seemed like good enough people; a bit boisterous, maybe, though TK wouldn’t necessarily describe himself as humble, either. It just hadn’t clicked into place yet. This new reality. _His_ new reality.

“Fine, fine, we’ll talk. It’s not like I wanna ice you out, just- let’s do it after our shifts, alright?” Compromise. TK had been trying his hand at it, and the little smile around his father’s mouth let him know he was doing an okay job. “Alright. I’ll hold you to it.”

With another clasp of the shoulder, Owen was on his way to the office again, leaving TK to ponder what he was even supposed to be _explaining_ later. It all seemed so clear to himself. Simplistic, even. Rational.

Marjan walked by and smiled at him, then, a little forward but mostly reassuring, and TK decided to smile back for once.

❦

Pacing around the apartment he shared with his father had become TK’s favorite pastime, feeling restless and a bit cut off from the rest of the world whenever Owen was held back at the station – due to paperwork, fraternizing with Michelle or PR shit TK didn’t even wanna think about.

And that was the crux of it, really. His life at the station was the only life he had now, everything else in limbo. He didn’t feel ready for Austin’s nightlife yet, not with his addiction still rearing its ugly head at the most inopportune of moments. Outside of his AA-meetings and therapy, which both did their hardest to never let him forget why he was here in the first place, he rarely got to explore the area. And why would he? He felt like a child with his toys taken away, most days. Pacing. Always pacing.

“There you are!” Owen’s voice startled TK out of his own thoughts, plastering on a smile as quickly as he could. “Hey, dad. Long day?” Three hours of overtime, if he’d counted correctly. He hadn’t looked at his phone in a while, though. It wasn’t of much use, these days.

Owen let out an exaggerated sigh as he flung himself onto the couch, shoes still on, beckoning TK to settle down next to him. “As long as ever. Come- come sit down, you’re making me nervous by proxy.”

TK did as he was told and rested against the back of the couch, curled into himself, knees up. “I don’t know if I have much to say, is the thing.” He was biting his lip again, a nervous tick he hadn’t gotten under control yet – a dead giveaway for his father.

“You look like something’s weighing on you, TK. If there’s one thing I haven’t lost touch with, it’s how you get when…” Owen didn’t want to outright say _when you’re feeling depressed_ , but TK heard it anyway.

“I guess I just… I just feel disconnected, is all. It’s not- it’s not anyone’s fault. You put together a great team, dad. They’re all really nice and like, open.” _Eager to please you_ , he didn’t say. “I’ve just gotta learn how to, you know, make peace with some things before I can let them in, I think.”

The concern in Owen’s eyes felt like a physical touch, so TK didn’t dare look. “Make peace with what, exactly? Is this about your addiction? I can _assure_ you they’d-“ – “Dad, don’t use that voice on me. There’s no need to mediate, and we’re not on the clock. It’s not _about_ the Oxy, it’s about- about everything that came with it. My friends. The scene. Even when I got clean that first time, a few people still stuck around. Maybe waiting for me to- to fail and start using again, I don’t know. Right now, it’s like… I abandoned it all for good, I want to stay clean _for good_ , and they don’t care anymore. Nobody texts me. I don’t have anything to do, I don’t know how to-“

TK was hyperventilating – he could feel himself growing light-headed, and the warm hand on his back drawing circles didn’t calm him but pulled him down further, his vision blurring.

“TK, look at me.” When TK couldn’t comply, _I can’t, I can’t, don’t_ , Owen grabbed his chin, turning his head towards him. “TK.” The struggle to open his eyes seemed like it went on for minutes, his sight clouded regardless. As his dad came into view, his hand on TK’s chest, telling him to breathe in and out, TK’s bottom lip wobbled. “You know I can’t stand to see you cry.” Owen’s voice sounded strained, but TK couldn’t focus on his face long enough to tell what was wrong. _Can you see me at all?_

Being pulled into a hug made TK want to thrash and run, just then. But he loved his dad, he did, and he knew he needed physical contact to anchor himself – ever since he’d been a child, plagued by nightmares. Nightmares of his dad never coming home, his mom leaving for good, losing his friends because of his _feelings_. Abandonment.

Breathing in time with his dad, he slowly climbed his way to the surface again – relaxing his shoulders, unclenching his fists and jaw. Feeling his lungs expand, spasming.

Once he felt settled enough to look up properly, his dad was staring right back at him. “Been a long time coming, eh?” TK’s involuntary snort made Owen smile, his concern still simmering. “I know it’s not as easy as just telling yourself you’ll make new connections, find better friends, and move on, TK. I don’t expect that of you. I don’t expect anything, really. I just want you to be open to the idea, okay? Allow yourself to be hopeful.”

It sounded so easy, put like that. TK nodded, ever so slightly. He’d try. It wasn’t like he had much to lose, anyway.

❦

Walking by the office a few days later, TK heard murmurs that stopped as soon as he leaned into the room, a hand on the doorframe. Owen was sitting at his desk, Michelle leaning against it. They both looked at him as if he were intruding and TK immediately puffed out his chest. “Please don’t tell me you’re actually sleeping together. I’d have to pay up.”

Michelle was so startled she let out one of her little giggles and TK smiled, knowing his money was safe. “No, TK, I’m not sleeping with your father. Not planning on it, either. No offense, Captain.” – “None taken, Captain.”

Tapping his foot, TK waited about five seconds longer for them to clear up what was going on. When neither of them made an effort to fill him in, he rolled his eyes. _Okay then. Be shifty._ As he turned around to leave without another word, Owen finally decided to speak up.

“TK, I know we’re getting off early tonight, but I’d like you to stick around.” TK just stared at the two of them, one of Michelle’s disconcerting smiles aimed at him. “Unless you have other plans?”, Owen added, damn well knowing that wasn’t the case. “Uh, sure thing… Captain.” TK did take his leave then, practically jogging downstairs, aiming to finish doing laundry before his shift ended.

Realizing he’d forgotten to ask his dad where he’d hidden the fabric softener – his reason for walking up to the office in the first place – TK sat down on the couch and played a round of Yu-Gi-Oh! with Paul instead. Actively trying to integrate. Suck it, dad.

❦

Something weird was going on, TK _knew_ it. All of them had clocked out half an hour ago but neither of them had made their way to the dorms yet, not even Mateo – who was usually the first one to hit the showers and settle in for the night. Figured, being the baby of the group and all.

TK would rather die than ask what was up though, insecure as always about being the only one not in the know. Owen had been scheming, that much he was sure of, and he wasn’t _stupid_. He knew-

Suddenly, a few members of Michelle’s team were standing in the living room, still in uniform. Nancy and Tim, if TK remembered correctly. A handsome officer he’d seen with Michelle a few times, as well, TK immediately drawn to him. Allowing his gaze to drift over the man’s form-fitting uniform, TK read _Reyes_ and quickly averted his eyes, the new information filed away.

Okay.

Just as Marjan, Paul and Mateo were getting up to greet their colleagues, Judd probably talking to Grace on the phone somewhere off to the side, Owen and Michelle joined them. TK’s eyes narrowed, finally clued into what was happening. _A pity party_. Nope.

Before he could tip-toe away, their decks abandoned on the table, his dad slung an arm around his shoulders and steered him towards the group. “Do this and you get Netflix privileges for a week”, Owen whispered to him through gritted teeth, and TK changed his posture in an instant, straightening up, adding a pep to his step.

“Hey, guys!” Nothing if not charming, he knew. When he was met with easy smiles from all newcomers, his own started to feel more genuine. After thanking them for coming, the Officer’s warm eyes shamelessly taking him in, he fled to the kitchen to busy himself with getting snacks and drinks set up.

He didn’t even notice someone coming up behind him until he felt a cautious hand at his waist, Reyes peeking over his shoulder with interest. “What are you up to, hm?” TK didn’t usually make a habit of blushing, but it’d been well over a month since he’d last made physical contact with a man he was attracted to, so. Whatever. Nobody needed to know.

He looked at Reyes through lidded eyes and thought _fuck it_. “I’ll tell you if you actually introduce yourself, Sir, Officer, Sir. You _are_ technically in my kitchen.” The twinkle in Reyes’s eyes let TK know he’d chosen the correct approach.

“Carlos Reyes, with the APD. Michelle invited me as her plus one.” Carlos’s smile made the corners of his lips curl in a pleasant way, his front teeth showing, and TK’s stomach plummeted. “Well, in that case, I’m TK. Making a tomato and mozzarella salad. Very busy, as you can see.” He made a show of placing the tomato and mozzarella slices neatly, juices staining his fingertips.

Carlos cocked his head, watching him intently, softly. “Busy by choice, I gather.” They could both hear the others making a bit of a ruckus, music turned up, chatter indistinguishable once it carried over to the two of them. “I get it.” Without another word from TK, Carlos grabbed the balsamic vinegar and drizzled it over the plate in practiced lines, catching TK’s thumb.

As TK brought his thumb to his lips, licking it clean, their eyes met – Carlos’s kind smile remaining. He leaned into TK’s space, gathered a few leaves of basil, and pressed them into TK’s hand. A joint effort. Huh.

Maybe it _was_ that easy.

**Author's Note:**

> if i projected onto a fictional character, no i didn't <3 
> 
> comments and kudos would be greatly appreciated. this thing is a little slice of my heart.   
> take care of yourselves and find people to talk to, especially if you feel like any of this resonates with you.


End file.
